Over the last few weeks I’ve had a lot of people asking me why I haven’t been posting and when will I resume my normal schedule? Where oh where are those WickerWoman chair caning posts, what’ca been up to?
Well, to be honest with ya’ll, I’ve not really been myself since hubby passed away almost exactly two years ago this month. That really rocked my whole world and took the winds right outta my sails, so to speak.
Losing loved ones at any time is difficult, but especially so around Christmas time, when everyone is supposed to be filled with happiness, joy and looking forward to the coming year.
This man that I had been with for 40 years and that I truly thought would outlive me, was suddenly gone. My best friend, protector and supporter vanished right before my eyes without leaving me any instructions on how to live on without him.
So, for the last two years now, I’ve had my “good” days as well as my “bad” days, trying to get used to the “new normal,” all these terms I never had to deal with before.
Waking up each morning wondering how I was to get through the day…Getting busy doing lots of things to keep my mind off my troubles, scheduling weaving classes, traveling, and being away from the home that hubby built.
There were commitments made and not followed thorough on, promises made and forgotten, orders placed for baskets but never made or sent, caning repairs never finished. Finally I came to a point that I had to quit taking on anything, for fear I couldn’t complete whatever the project was.
I literally went from day to day and was not looking toward the future at all, but rather thinking of all the things that John (Pete) and I would never do and enjoy.
I just could’t shake the feeling of loss, much less feel the tremendous sense of gratitude that I now have for the time we DID spend together.
But just a few days ago, I woke up with a clarity of mind that astounded me! The “old” me was finally back in the body!
With the help of a really great friend, Pam Ponsart, who held my hand for months (over the phone, since she lives in Reno, NV), and sources on the Internet like Louise Hay and all the New Thought folks at Hay House Radio, their bookstore and their website, and several mediums, numerologists and astrologers I consulted, my friends, living relatives, and neighbors, I can finally say that I’m BAAAAACK for good now.
This picture below is proof that the “old” me is back and was drawn by my granddaughter Lily over Thanksgiving 2014. Don’t you just love it? I think she REALLY has caught the true essence of Nana Cathy a.k.a. The Wicker Woman.
When I asked her what those lines were above my mouth she replied, “wrinkles of course, Nana!” Then she went on to say, “Do you know how you can tell if a person is old? By all the wrinkles and those brown spots on their face!” Kids really do say the dardest things, don’t they?
It’s my belief that both John (Pete) and I agreed and signed contracts before birth that this was the play of life that were going to be on, and as actors in that play, would exit the stage and the end of our scene.
At the age of 63, he chose a monumental exit day from this earth plane on December 21, 2012! He wanted to go out with a bang, so we’d never forget him, which was so his style. So not only was his departure on the winter solstice, but it was the end of the world as we know it, according to the Mayan calendar!
We honestly are spiritual beings having a human experience and I believe that with all my heart and soul. Knowing that Pete is still around me, helping me and encouraging me to be my own person, like he always did in the physical, is very comforting.
It’s made me realize too, that our time here on earth is short and to make every moment count. Be kind to yourself and your fellow man. Show gratitude for everything and everyone, no matter how negative the situation. Because even then, you are learning the lessons of life. And if you don’t learn those lessons in this lifetime, you’ll be back to learn them in another!
Just within the last few days, I’ve begun singing Christmas carols again, listening to Christmas music on the radio, watching Christmas movies and TV shows and decorating the house with lights.
I’m even considering trudging outside to cut down a small tree from our property. Will also get some red dogwood and boughs to put in the planters. I’ll keep ya’ll posted here as to how that all turns out…